Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
