She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
