i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
