i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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