you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
