The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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