I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
as a side note pls kill me
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
