You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
