You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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