i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
