So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
