so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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