Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
