I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
