bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
