ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
