haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
