I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
