I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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