why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
