After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i came on her dog
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
