I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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