he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
