I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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