His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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