you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
