She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
