We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
