he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want to make out with him forever
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
