fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We have started to decorate penises.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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