Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
