He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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