3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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