Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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