Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I love you.
Bad choice
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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