I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
