its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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