I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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