i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
