420 ftw
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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