kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
