I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
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