I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
