"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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