I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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