I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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