Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
