listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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