i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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