Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
