watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
