I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
