yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
