sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
